“When you argue with reality, you lose, but 100% of the time.” – Byron Katie
You know that place you go to… to absolutely hide? To be missing from the current worlds chaos and utter sabotage. I had been hiding out for a while, waiting for the cloud to pass over my horizon but I found it did not. Why was I running? Was I arguing with my reality?
And these are the lessons from my lay off.
In late May of this year, I was laid off from my job. Yep – complete nightmare. The job I was so in love with. The word job had actually left my vocabulary all together. It was more or less who I was over what I did. I bled orange. I dreamed in stop motion, and ate content for freakin’ breakfast because I wanted to be better. I wanted to become a producer everyone knew.
Project based work doesn’t always last. And, working for a cool agency won’t give you that security either. That was a lesson while at the time stung like a thousand bees but now, I am grateful to have learned before my thirties. Before I had kids or even more credit card debt. This was so so hard to come to terms with but in that state of confusion and loss, I could begin to understand some things with more clarity.
“Don’t be surprised at how quickly the universe will move with you once you have decided.” – Unknown
Getting there was harder than I thought. I avoided my friends and didn’t respond to most text messages. For weeks. They were messages that hurt me to ignore. Every defensive bone in my body would rattle at their words and I would just toss the phone.
How could anyone even understand?
They couldn’t. Not my pain. That was mine alone and I didn’t want to give it to anyone else. I worked too hard to be told I didn’t deserve the pain that felt so real.
And boy did it hurt. Each realization that came about drove the knife even deeper. My friends, I wouldn’t be seeing them as regularly… or even seasonally. Where I walked, ate lunch, parked my car – would all be different now.
Chase, my sweet, patient boyfriend. He got the brunt it of all. The tears, the screams, all of it. For the first two weeks I would wake in a sheer panic. Complete with sweat and a whole lot of waterworks. I couldn’t even figure out why or how I got there but I was drowning in self doubt, paranoia, and bills.
Ever heard of Black Friday?
Yeah and not that Black Friday. It’s actually a term used when a company lays off an employee (or several) on the last Friday of the month. What’s the significance you ask? Well, some say it’s so that the employer can immediately stop contributing to that persons benefits, and that employee loses their health insurance immediately. When someone pointed this out to me – it was like I became a literal match and I was about to hit the forest floor. Something from my core told me enough was enough.
It was time to sit up straight and make myself wonder if I had this planned all along.
The applications went out in a mass storm. Sometimes, 5 or 6 a day. With detailed cover letters and custom resumes hinting at my biggest skill sets and favorite hobbies. I was determined not to settle, and I was determined to enjoy my time off. Hey, I haven’t taken 8 weeks off since I was in the fourth grade, okay? Stuff like this needs to be celebrated. I would wake up each morning and slip into my bathing suit. (Yes, BATHING SUIT) – and I would sit on my deck with my fresh brewed coffee, a notebook, my dogs, and the latest email from indeed. I would make a “hit list” of places to send my applications to, and I would make it happen.
I was able to celebrate my skills obtained at my last job (kind of like a previous relationship) – I began to reflect on what I had liked about that gig and what I didn’t. I began to see that I had let a job become who I was – and that wasn’t going to help me now. The truth was. I did learn a lot in that last position and I was valuable to another company if I just put a little faith in myself.
I got a job! It worked. It all worked. I was worthy to another company, and in the end – myself. I didn’t have to settle in order to make a paycheck. I didn’t have to worry anymore. Do I still think about my friends at my last job? Yeah, everyday. I’m still getting used to eating lunch alone, my new commute, and everything else that comes along with a new routine. BUT I’ll get there. My new job is perfect for me right now. I am excited to be part of a team that acts with passion and leaves impact wherever they go. It’s a good start.
For details on where I work now add me on LinkedIn